Emmy Syann Phillips

Emmy was due February 4, 2010. The morning of September 7th, 2009, when I was 18 weeks and 4 days
pregnant, I woke up with some cramping and bleeding. After an ultrasound we found out that her heart
was no longer beating. She meant a lot to us and we miss her so much every single day. Below is a
letter I wrote to her and read outloud at her memorial.



To my daughter Emmy,

I love you so much and want you to know that you have been loved since the day your daddy and I
found out that you were going to be a new addition to our family. We were so excited that day. In
fact, we took 3 pregnancy tests just to make sure that we were reading the test right. The first
person we told was your grandmother. We put your big brothers baby shoes in a box and let your
grandmother open it. She was very excited and she loves you very much. She did everything she could
to make sure that your mommy was OK so that you were OK. We will all miss you more that you can
know.

The first time we saw you, I was 6 weeks pregnant. We gave you the nickname, Spec, because you were
so tiny.

The first three months of being pregnant with you were difficult. I was sick all the time and I was
really tired, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. You were worth every minute of it.

Your daddy was so excited to become a father. I think that I could have not chosen a better daddy
for you. He loves you so much. As soon as we read that you were able to hear, he would wake up in
the morning and say “hello baby”. He was so ready to teach you everything he knew and more. He
thinks you would’ve been smart, and I know you would have been. He misses you so much, and I am so
sorry that you never got to meet him. Your daddy was so good to me when I was in the early pregnancy
with you. I could not have asked for a better man to be your father. He always made sure that I was
ok. He would go get mommy whatever it was that she was craving at the moment. Your daddy was always
there to tell me that I was beautiful, and when I started showing, he would reassure me that I
looked pregnant, not fat.

Your daddy and I both wanted you to be a girl. We would have been happy either way, but a little
girl was what our heart desired. Your daddy bought you a pink blanket before we found out that you
were actually a girl. When deciding on names, we only came up with a girls name. As long as I can
remember, I have wanted a little girl. When I was in high school, I decided I would name my daughter
Emmy some day. Your daddy liked this name also, so Emmy became your name. After I graduated from
high school, my Great-Grandmother died, and I wanted your middle name to honor her name in some way,
so we came up with Syann. It was spelled differently in the baby name book, but we wanted to make
sure no one mispronounce your name. After we decided that your name would be Emmy Syann Phillips, we
realized that your initials were ESP…and your daddy and I thought that was funny.

Losing you has been the worst emotional pain I have ever had to endure in my 28 years of life. I
have never been so heartbroken. I miss waking up in the morning, knowing that you were close to my
heart, and that in just a few months I would hold you in my arms. I feel like it is wrong to keep on
with every day things with out you being here. I look around and wonder how the world is still
turning. Your daddy and I miss you so very much. There has not been a day since you have left us,
that I have not cried. The hardest part of losing you is not getting the chance to know you. I am
saddened by the thought of never getting to kiss you or hold you. I was never even given the chance
to tell you how much I loved you and I never got to tell you goodbye. We will never know what you
would have looked like, what color eyes you would’ve had, how tall you would be, or if you looked
more like mommy or daddy. My heart aches knowing we will never hold you in our arms, see your first
smile, hear your laughter, or watch you take your first step. I do not understand why you were taken
away from your daddy and I so early. The day we found out that your heart had stopped beating, was
the day you took a piece of my heart.

With each passing day, I miss you more and more. I know that you are in heaven with Jesus now, but
selfishly I want nothing more than to have you back, kicking around in my belly. It has been five
days now since you became an angel, and losing you has not gotten any easier. Everything makes me
miss you. Until now, I had no idea my heart could break in so many places. I do know, that there is
a reason for everything, and even though I will NEVER understand why my you was taken from me, I
have to believe that God had a reason.

Losing you has brought your daddy and I closer together and taught us many things. We have always
loved each other, but now we realize that there are some things that are just not worth worrying
about. To me, losing you has made me feel that the most important thing in this world is to have
the ones you love close to you and to cherish each day with them.

You will never be forgotten, my sweet angel Emmy. As the years pass, I am sure that my heart will
not ache quite so much, but I will always love you and I will always remember you. Your daddy and I
will make sure that future brothers and sisters will know about their big sister Emmy. The shadowbox
that your daddy, grandmother, and I made in your memory will always hang on our wall. We will be
planting a tree in your memory at your grandfathers house, so that we will always have something to
remember you by.

To my sweet angel, I want to thank you for coming into our lives. Your daddy and I will always love
you and never forget you. One day we will meet in heaven and until that day, you will forever be
missed

Lots of Love and Kisses,
Mommy